Bread and Circus
During the 48-hour rule or other significant fallout, I generally have a policy of "bread and circus." In other words, keep myself fed and entertained (distracted from my misery) and try to not be too annoying or otherwise create new problems while I know I'm dysfunctional.A very, very, very large part of getting well is coping with the downtime you need for your body to go through various processes. You do a thing -- say throw out a bunch of stuff on Friday night -- and then you may have little to no energy and little to no mental focus for at least the next two days.
There may also be a lot of side effects and some of those side effects may be somatopsychic side effects. In other words, you may be an emotional mess.
If you are the misery loves company type -- as I am -- I highly recommend you find other coping mechanisms.
I'm a social creature and on a good day I have better-than-average social skills and most people expect me to be socially savvy all the time, not just when I feel well. There is a long history of people being extremely ugly and abusive about the fact that I sometimes can't get my act together and I'm the one who needs others to be considerate, understanding, etc.
Some of that is situational. People who don't know me well may not know I have a serious medical condition, so they may just not realize I have good days and bad days and my performance is inconsistent.
Some of that is not so innocent. Regardless of the cause, it simply does not work well to be a social creature and impose overly much on other people when you feel like absolute hell and may also be having a lot of emotional drama as a side effect of your medical stuff.
It doesn't work well in part because those feelings you are feeling are NOT RATIONAL and no amount of social engagement, emotional reassurance, etc etc etc is going to resolve them. They are a consequence of biological processes and will NOT resolve until those biological processes have resolved.
So in practice, if you are having Big Feels (and they are ALWAYS NEGATIVE) as a side effect of your medical stuff and you try to get people around you to reassure you they care, you are loved, blah blah blah blah, no amount of assurance will give you the feeling you are looking for, so it tends to actively magnify the problem.
Giving those feelings so much attention and digging around in them under circumstances where it is NOT POSSIBLE for social reassurance to fix how you feel tends to make those negative feelings GET WORSE and STICK AROUND instead of going away once your biological process is done with.
Some observations, rules of thumb and best practices:
- Loneliness is a form of boredom. Instead of seeking PEOPLE to occupy you, seek some harmless means to stay occupied, such as playing games or watching videos/movies.
- Have a policy of "Do NOT engage Teh Crazeh." Let immediate relatives you live with know "I'm not rational. DON'T ENGAGE with my garbage. Starve it of attention so it doesn't become a BIG THING between us."
- Catharsis: Seek out books, movies, short stories, etc that hit a particular emotional note and feel free to cry your eyes out, etc. It can be a means to satisfy those feelings without digging your grave deeper -- a form of venting so you can more readily move on.
- Avoid triggers and such. If you WANT catharsis (because those feelings may ALSO be related to OTHER THINGS), cool. Go with that. But if you just do NOT want to be exposed to drama, depression, etc, find some means to occupy yourself that actively AVOIDS triggering those negative feelings you are mired in. If there is no other cause, they will RESOLVE when your medical crap resolves. You are NOT required to "deal" with those feelings like you "need therapy."
- Drop the judgy bullshit. If you are NOT creating drama while HEALING, you are ACCOMPLISHING ENOUGH (especially if you are healing from something the world says CANNOT be fixed).
- "Count your blessings." Instead of wallowing in self pity, make a list of what is going right. And remind yourself often "I am getting well. If I am also NOT CREATING DRAMA, those two things are ENOUGH."
- WHEN you actually start to feel better, REMIND YOURSELF that all the stupid emotional bullshit is a MEDICAL SIDE EFFECT and LET IT GO. Consciously decide "All that STUPID shit I felt and did YESTERDAY is a MEDICAL SIDE EFFECT and I refuse to keep that emotional bullshit ALIVE today. Today, I START OVER FRESH."
- Productive piddling. I blog and run a bunch of reddits and such in part because I do a lot of productive piddling. When I am too sick to "work in earnest" but not just a COMPLETE basket case, I do research, fiddle with the color scheme of some reddit or other, etc. If I am NOT so screwed up that I'm messing everything up, this eventually adds up to accomplishing something and that's part of how I make my life kind of work and keep moving in the right direction when it shouldn't work AT ALL and I should be DEAD. (If I am breaking stuff, I STOP and go watch videos and play games.)
