Oh, Phooey

So yesterday I lost a chunk of tooth from one of those two teeth that have been crumbling for nearly three years. My younger son also lost a chunk of tooth, which is bizarre because he has teeth like a freaking beaver.

I've managed to do some blog writing today that I kind of like, but I'm terribly, terribly feverish and not together. I'm not getting freelance writing done and I'm hurtling towards my doom financially and blah blah blah. You know: The Usual.

My head space has been super bad in recent weeks. Today, I changed my Twitter bio to say:
Big fat nobody to the absolute max waiting for a Black Swan event to make me rich and famous overnight because I can't afford a lottery ticket.
A few weeks back, I did some nice things with mashing up my personal blog and professional blog and I'm really on edge about feeling like people think I'm Somebody or something and I'm not. Hopefully, more clearly signalling that I'm NOBODY will help with my crazy anxiety levels.

I'm a dirt poor, medically handicapped blogger and freelance writer. I'm currently, in the words of a smart local, "burning bridges" -- quitting my volunteer work locally (on the ground), on hiatus on the one forum that didn't completely and totally hate me and so forth.

So maybe I am completely blowing a "fake it til you make it" opportunity, but that's just not my style. I'm medically handicapped. I can't talk a lot of smack and then run around like crazy and try to make it real. That absolutely doesn't work for me.

That doesn't mean I'm completely useless. I'm not completely useless.

But I am Twice Exceptional and that makes it really hard for other people to guage my abilities and really hard for me to clearly signal what I can realistically do and what I absolutely can't do. And what I can and can't do is not some kind of package deal consistent with what people tend to expect from seeing one piece of the picture.

So I get really, really stressed out when I feel like people have taken a sudden interest in me and they just absolutely don't have adequate background and they imagine I'm some miracle worker or something. Yes, I can sometimes do some pretty incredible things, but it's a little like trying to catch lightning and absolutely doesn't come "bottled," so to speak.

If this post seems to make zero sense for a health blog about my physical health, welp, I did start out saying that I am incredibly feverish. Fevered rambling FTW!